Oh Baby

I nuzzle my nose in my daughter’s neck and I can smell all of the babies I may never have.  As I soak up that sweet indescribable aroma, I am reminded of those first precious moments with my babies.

You see, last week my second child, my baby, celebrated her first birthday.  I love this age, all sweet smiles and cute noises.  The sleepless nights and tearful days I spent in my PJ’s struggling with the concept of caring for 2 children seem a million years away. 

Jessica the Fairy Princess

The last 12 months haven’t been easy.  Anyone with 2 young children will tell you that life travels at a vertiginous speed (BOOM!).  Trying to teach my 2 year old son the concept of patience while I tend to his sister was a fruitless exercise and the physical logistics of leaving the house with 2 children to attempt something  as menial as grocery shopping still puts me to the test.

I also recently started my own business and am very career driven, I’m training for half marathon and I have a very itchy feet and long to travel. 

Despite all of this, I feel a physical longing inside of me to do it all again. 

The thought of never experiencing this again breaks my heart in a way I simply can’t explain. 

I know I’m crazy.  I know this doesn’t make sense and most importantly, I know I’ll probably never convince Big Daddy to jump on board with this one.  So unless we are blessed with a miraculous immaculate conception, it seems we are destined to be a family of four. 

Don’t worry.  I’ll be ok.  I’ve just resigned myself to a lifetime full of staring at pregnant bellies, crying over old photos and sniffing the necks of random babies.